A Record of Time Ill Spent: Journal of Nico Grey

[nico]

Yes, a journal, I'm keeping one of those these days. It seems worthwhile, I have lots of things I think about so I should probably write them down for posterity, so future generations can look back at this and marvel at my genius so that I might fondly look back on them and remember my youth. If future generations do read this I certainly don't want them thinking I was arrogant, sarcasm doesn't translate well into print. Anyway, I'm calling it 'A Record of Time Ill Spent' since most everything I do or think that's worth writing down is time that should be put to better use.

I know Father wouldn't approve of my keeping a journal because he considers such things liabilities. Apparently I had an ancestor, forgive me for not remembering my lineage exactly, who had a great fondness for torturing young girls to death (mmm, a bit familiar sounding... am I as he was? Surely not, I love, I do not kill or wound). He was immensely clever at covering his tracks and it was only on the suspicions of an auror, who practically went rogue trying to catch my poor relative, that the matter was brought to court. There was no substantial evidence and the fellow nearly got off scot free but a raid on his house produced a diary filled with meticulous and gory accounts of exactly what had been done to whom. The man, Adonis Grey, was found to be criminally insane and got committed rather than sent to Azkaban. He lived out the rest of his days in a top security asylum. This was one of the cautionary tales of my youth. Sometimes I get the strange feeling that my life isn't like other people's...

Anyway, past being past and Father being a paranoid loon I'll get on with my writing. I've been thinking about something a lot lately, about magic and how it works. How can I make flowers come from nowhere? There are principals of the universe which do not account for such phenomena, the Law of Conservation of Matter. Also where does the energy come from, is it from my own body or do I just act as a conduit for the magic to flow through? The Law of Conservation of Energy says that it has to come from somewhere, so if I cast enough spells either the air around me would become very cold or I would get tired. That would be a neat way to test it, I'll have to try that out some time. I think incendio would be a good spell to use because it requires a lot of heat energy and the difference in temperature would be noticeable. Maybe I should ask the Headmistress about it, she would probably know what with being such an accomplished witch and all. I simply must take a Magical Theory course at some point, all the aimless wondering is giving me multiple headaches. I'll have to write Sprightly and ask if I'm the first to wonder these things, she'll be rude about it but I'm afraid she really is terribly wise in such matters, the little hellcat.

Speaking of the girl I miss her terribly, I keep wanting to tell Maria (my very own personal muggle-born goddess!) about the little bint and I don't know why. She is pure evil, after all! I mean, I do pity her since her father neglects her so, always shunting her off to various schools abroad so he won't have to remember his dead wife. Oh, I also pity her because she gets beaten up at school (though I know she richly deserves it) and has never had any friends but me. Still, why would I want to bring up that demon around Maria? It isn't like I want to say 'Oh, by the way, I'm sort of marrying a girl for money and power one day so all my flirting is utterly without merit. Sorry, it's a family thing'. I mean, Christ, you'd think I actually thought the girl was a decent human being the way I keep talking about her. Meh, it's 'Sprightly this' and 'Sprightly that' with me, I'm awful. I guess she's the only person I ever really liked for they are, even though who she is is evil in ways I can't put into words. She's sort of the only decent friend I ever had too, but that's not because I'm as unlikeable as her, it's because no one was ever good enough for me. So there. And I'm not writing another word about her either. So there.

Umm, oh dear, it seems I've gotten my mind off on The-Member-of-the-Fairer-Sex-Who-Shall-Not- Be-Named, if she were here right now I'd thump her a bit for not staying out of my bloody head. She's completely ruined my first journal entry. I have to end it here or I'll ruin that 'so there' I resolutely put in place. No matter, I'll write again soon. I waste a lot of time.

Signed,
Nicodemus Drusus Grey
Slytherin Boys Dormitory
Hogwarts Castle
Scotland
Europe
The World
Space
Even More Space

[nico]

I hate my life hate hate HATE. There is a distinct possibility that I was bloody Voldemort in a past life to deserve this one, this is a BAD life. My sister wrote me, my dear beloved sister who broke my heart and my family, that sister. It was a TERRIBLE letter it was all: 'I'm sorry Nico, I'm happy even though I made your life suck. I'm doing great by the way. Sorry about RUINING your life. Kisses, Cassie'. I'd cram it in the pages of my journal but I can't risk it falling out or anything so I just burned it, and I can't say I didn't enjoy that. It hurt really bad getting that letter, it hurt in ways I didn't know I could hurt. It was like this ache deep in my heart, and I wondered if she really ever cared about me. I know she must have at some point, she used to be so kind when I was small. She'd listen to my fears and dreams, she looked at the pictures I drew (the ones of her cat, certainly not the ones of other things). She was my goddess, I idolized her for being so brave and clever. The girl was a genius, literally, utterly brilliant at languages and naturally excellent at anything she tried. She never ran away from a fight and she aced her N.E.W.T's. There was a bright future for her but she ran away and never even said goodbye. Traitor. I hope she chokes, I'm not even going to write her back.

Oh, I got a happier letter though, granted a letter telling me I had been randomly selected for a public execution would have been cheerier than what Cassandra sent me. It was a letter from Spry, weird kid, that one.


Hello Nic,
Its me, the only person who writes you in iridescent green ink. The funniest thing happened to me this year. I made some sort-of friends, they don't really like me much but they like having me around because I can do things well and Im really easy to bully. We have a ghost or two at school and one of them was hanging around the student lounge, I think it was asleep. Anyway Darcy, the one closest to actually liking me, said she wondered what would happen if a person sat in a ghost. Then people started making bets and Liam said that I should do it, they started putting money on it and I threw my hat in too. So I sit in the chair with the ghost, not like with the ghost, more like in the ghost. My sort-of friends start going about their business, playing cards and such, talking about Quodpot. I drowsed off at some point. They told me later it was Darcy that noticed I'd quit breathing. She ran and got a teacher, who rezzurected me and started accusing people of practicing freezing charms on me. I was a little awake for that but then I passed out again from, the doctors said, shock to my system. I ended up in the hospital, not the school infirmary but a real hospital. After I got recooperated there I took the flu, that was and is awful as I still have it. You get mild hallucinations with the flu, you know, and mine were especially bad, since I'm,nearly over it the wallpaper has quit dancing. I'm writing this now from the school infirmary even though I should be sleeping, I'll just say that the drought the healer made up for me mostly found its way onto the floor. I really must remind myself to thank D for teaching me that. You remind me, okay Nicodemus, please?

I should tell you other things than about my being hurt or sick, even though those are the things I mostly am. Did you know Papa didn't come vist me even in the hospital? He owes me for that and he knows it, I can tell because whenever he's ashamed for being a jerk he sends me ice mice and I got a box of them just yesterday and an apology for his not showing up because of 'work'. If there's anything you need, like a new broomstick, I'd be happy to oblige because I don't want anything at all just now. I wish you were here, like, a lot I wish that. You'd give everyone a proper thumping for the way they tease me, and they do tease me awful. They think I'm mad, and I am maybe but that's no excuse to point it out. I mean, wouldn't it be funny if there really were butterflies but only I could see them? Or if Im right about school realy and truely being purgatory and if you get kicked out you go to hell and if you graduate you go to heven?

I have something good to tell you though, Darcy took me out of school on a sort of trip. We had to sneak out really early on a Sunday morning before the sun was even up, which I though was funny because it wasn't easy and I thought Sunday mornings were supposed to be. We went out into the world and it was glorious, there was a city we went to whose name I don't remember, it was like something that meant a gift I think. She took me to places though, muggle places, and we did wonderfully together when it was just me and her. She was very nice to me and kind of helped me act normal. She even exchanged currency with me, paper money I think is maybe kind of strange. I bought book and some things that you don't know what are. We were lucky to get back without getting caught, we would have gotten more demerits I think than I can safely get. Oh, a little shopkeeper man gave me a metal coin thing with the Buddha on it, you rub his belly for luck. Buddha's, not the shopkeepers. He was a nice man, and he said things that made sort of sense to me then Darcy drug me out of his shop by my shirtcollar and looked like she wanted to hit me for some reason. She didn't though, like I said, when we're alone she's nice to me. You would have loved to have been there, they had the most amazing things. It was so different from our world, things were so shiny and new and everything was all about moving and doing, not living in the past. Mark my words, Grey, we've been setting ourselves up for a fall these many years. If there is a war, if our secret is found out it will be a bloodbath, and everyone will suffer.

So, that's how I am, which is better than a lot of how I am not but is also worse. I wish I were with you or you were with me, or that we were together somewhere where neither one of us is. I miss you, even if you don't miss me. Write me Nicodemus, please. And send love, lots of it, I haven't got much and I think I might almost be out. Make sure it's the really good kind.

Love Forever,
Sprightly Raffington
Infirmary
Lowell Building
Aiden Academy
The Middle of Godamn Nowhere
United States of America
North America
The World
The Milky Way Galaxy
The Universe
Space
Even More Space

PS:I sent you my Buddha coin, even if I'm not as happy as you you need good luck muchly more than me

PPS:Why do cats smile? I think I knew once but I forgot. This could just be the flu and potions talking but I'm sure I need to know for some reason.

Post Post Post Scriptum:I won a fair amount of money in that bet about the ghost, I thought you'd like to know

Weird kid, she is sick though, she always whinges when she's sick and the letter was just pitiful. She didn't insult me at all. Actually I think she might be having an Episode of some sort, she always talks like she's confused but usually her writing makes sense, not always her letters, but the narratives she writes air on the side of beautiful. Her attempts at linear storytelling just fail here. Also her spelling was disturbingly bad, I'll have to send her one of those self-correcting quills.

I need to help her and I need her help. Times like these I wish I were more than just a rather ordinary but strikingly handsome and near-genius boy. If I were older maybe I could help her or maybe I'd be stronger and wouldn't care about what happened to her. I should probably send her a letter back, with 'love, lots of it'. Heaven only knows what she'll do to me when she regains her senses if I don't write her. It's stupid that a crazy little bint like her should be such a powerful witch too. That little coin thing she had folded up in the letter had a fat happy guy on it, Buddha I'm guessing. Whatever, it's kind of weird but I'll keep it in my pocket because as Spright said, I 'need good luck muchly more than her'. Weird kid.

Nggh, away from those two horrible girls, I have a worse girl-problem now, one with curls and the sweetest smile. I want to throttle Maria, she is forever in my thoughts, caught myself drawing the other day even! I'd made her a beautiful deep blue evening dress with diamonds of paler blue down the front and...UGH! Damnation, I hate it so! First of all the design was hardly up to my usual standards and second it was a dress and I am absolutely not to do that anymore. Then in class I started drawing a mean picture, a wasisname, caricature of that angel-of-death-and-despair Slytherin Girl. I got bored with it and started drawing her face and I couldn't get it right, like no matter how close I came it didn't even touch the real thing and it made me feel just rotten. I need an out-of-love potion or something because this is pesky, I don't even think she likes me hardly at all.

Well, I really must write Spry. She sounds like shes on the edge of one of her famous get-kicked-out-of-school breakdowns. On the bright side she probably won't be able to top the incident where she bit that boys carotid artery, you only do that kind of stuff once. Still, she needs reassurance and I'm afraid I'm the only one who can give her that.

Signed,
Nicodemus Drusus Grey
Slytherin Boys Dormitory
Hogwarts Castle
Scotland
Europe
The World
Space
Even More Space

[nico]

I heard from someone that if you have a hard choice to make then you should make a list of pros and cons. I have a hard choice to make about Maria and Sprightly

Sprightly Pros: Totally devoted to me. Fun. Romantic. Witty. Cute black hair, spiky and short. Doll face, completely perfect features. Father likes her. I know her. Is actually okay with me seeing Maria.
Sprightly Cons: Insane. Unstable emotionally. Has a creepy crush on Father. Looks kind of like a boy. Mean. Snarky. Weird. Often unhappy. I’m practically doomed to her anyway.

Maria Pros: Beautiful and blonde. Can carry on a serious conversation. Sweet.
Maria Cons: Muggle-born. Not totally devoted to me. My palms sweat when I’m around her.

All this has lead me to one conclusion: I do not know nearly enough about Maria to decide. Also, my results came up Sprightly= 9/9 and Maria= 3/3. Bugger. Bugger, bugger, bugger!

[nico]

Where do I start? I’ve just had so much going on lately that I don’t even know where to begin. Well, first of my life is rife with tragedy. Dear, sweet Morganna, died, tragically mauled by a werewolf. You read about that kind of stuff a lot but it never really hits you that it’s people with lives and families that it’s happening to. The funeral was strange, I saw Aslin walking away with Sprightly skipping by her side just as I arrived. I shudder to think what could have caused that to happened. Aslin came back to the casket long enough to thoroughly disgrace herself and shame her sisters memory. The girl held her own father at wandpoint. Anyway at the funeral I tried not to cry but Maria, I had to comfort her, I had to help. I always try to play the hero, but that’s all I ever really do, play. Christ, I’m twelve, I’m not a hero, I’m a kid, a stupid kid who plays games. This isn’t about me though, it’s about them, the people I play hero to. Maria, Heaven help that girl, she’s had an awful time of things. Her family was nearly massacred by dark wizards, her father died and her siblings came to varying degrees of harm. Her sisters are coming to Hogwarts, which I suppose is good, it should be safe here though with the recent fatal attack I can’t help but doubt that. One of Maria’s sisters suffered the Cruciatus curse. I remember that, I could never forget it. I’ve promised to speak to her, though according to Maria the girl, Aly I think, doesn’t talk any more, no matter, she can still listen. I also told Maria I love her, she took it well, I got a hug though I don’t think she fully absorbed what I said.

Not long at all after that funeral I was summoned to the office. At the time I was wearing the clothes Sprightly had gotten me, I liked them a lot. Bloody shame they got burned to ash. Imagine my utter horror when I discovered that Father was there, and I was wearing those stupid clothes and my bloody earring. It was a little surprising that he didn’t just throttle me then and there. No, its really not, he wouldn’t want to make a scene but he did nearly rip my earring out of my poor ear. He told us, that is Sprightly and I she was there too, that Raffy had died. Hieronymus Richard Raffington the Third murdered. He didn’t tell us then how he’d been murdered just that he’d been killed and wizards were suspected even though it was a muggle bar. Sprightly freaked, she started sobbing about how it was everywhere, how we were all drowning in it and when I asked her what ‘it’ was she told me it was death. Father hit her then, not mean or anything, just to snap her out of it but I still wanted to rip his balls off for doing it. I can’t help but feel protective of her, especially when she sobbing about some crazy notion that’s gotten stuck in her head.

After we got home things got really unpleasant, violently unpleasant. Sprightly had flinched when Father touched her arm, he’d touched the bruise from when I hit her in Charms class. He’d insisted on seeing her arm and she mentioned that I’d done it. To put it mildly I knew I was going to die, and fast or slow it was going to be painful. As it turned out I didn’t die, I just got a really cold look and Father just said ‘I’ve been embarrassed by the things you’ve done, hurt by some of the things you’ve said but this is the first time I’ve ever been ashamed to call you my son’. That was always one of the primary things I was taught, ‘Don’t hit girls’, take good care of them. I was still pissed off though about Raffy and Morganna being dead so I yelled back “You hit her too, you bastard’ and he told me that if I was deluded enough to be soothed by that then I was crazier than Sprightly. If Spry hadn’t started crying I don’t know what we would have gotten into, I was going for his solar plexus when I heard her whimper. I was going over to help her but Father told me I’d lost that right, lost the right to help her that is, when I hurt her. He really is a bastard, that just cut me, I wish he’d just hit me instead of saying things. He’s a butcher with words, especially when I’m afraid he’s right. Anyway, he took Sprightly to a guest room, in a different wing of the house than mine naturally. I went to my room, it’s bigger than I remembered it. I guess living in a dormitory all that time makes you forget but I just felt lost in that huge bedroom. It was made up all neat where I hadn’t been in to mess it up. I changed into robes and now I’m just writing to pass the time, to have something to do. I wonder what Spry’s doing right now? Probably crying, I’m crying now… can’t help it, Raffy’s gone, Morganna’s gone and I cared for both of them…

[nico]

It was a while, maybe hours before someone came in to talk to me, I got a lot written so probably at least an hour. Huge surprise though, it was mum. She hardly ever talks to me so I was very happy to see her. I gave her a big hug and told her how I’d missed her being at school and all. She smiled at me and told me she had missed me too, though I do not really think she did. She said that she had come to make sure that I was alright. I love her, I really do. I just wish we could spend more time together. We talked for a long while, she told me how her friends were getting along and I pretended to be interested. I told her about Maria, but only a little bit, and a bit about Morganna and Aslin too though I left out the werewolf part. We were laughing together about how I had brained myself during Charms class when Father came in. Mum took that as her cue to kiss my hair, call me darling, and leave.

We just stared at each other for a long time, Father and I, just looked. Then he said ‘That girl really loves you, and you don’t deserve a speck of it’. I feel like mentioning here that I am an utter dog and deserve to die horribly. I couldn’t think of anything to say so I just apologized and stared at the floor. I got a long bloody lecture about how I'm totally irredeemably evil because I hurt Sprightly. Nothing new there unfortunately but then something noteworthy happened, Father apologized to me. Honest to God, he did, apologized to me. I’m still in awe of it, he said there weren’t words for how wrong he had been but ‘evil’ came close. Right, I need to write down exactly what he apologized over, but it makes me sick to think about sort of so I’ll write it quick. Last spring, when he cursed me. Apparently I was more messed up then than I remember, I thought I laid on the floor for hours but turns out it was two days, no eating or drinking or even sleeping. Father moved me to my bed, like, three or four hours after it happened but I didn’t snap out of it. Just two straight days of laying around all glassy eyed, tended to by an elf like some sort of invalid. Hard to think I forgot that. Turns out the reason he avoided me all that summer is because he was ashamed of what he did, not of me. Anyway, then it got all soppy and huggy and more apologizy and I’m pretty sure we’re both completely women after all that crap. And, oh God, I'm crying again! Anyway, I think that’s sort of a reconciliation, for whatever it’s worth. I’m happy now, my father loves me. I’m going to sleep now. Funeral tomorrow. I've really grown to hate that word 'Funeral', I really hope Sprightly's wrong. I don't ever want to go to another one again.

[nico]

It is far too late to be writing but I cannot sleep, probably because of this enormous Sprightly related headache I’ve recently developed. Uggh, that girl, I hope she gets sent far away from my home. Whatever is to be done with that evil little orphan it had better not involve her living in the manor with me. I was innocently sleeping in my bed dreaming of pleasant things when someone pinches my nose shut. I wake, terrified because I’m not breathing and find myself face to face with Sprightly. She gives me those doe eyes and says something like ‘It’s not my bed, or my walls, or anyplace I’ve been before because no ones been there before me’ and I ask her what I’m supposed to do about it because my wristwatch is telling me it’s about three in the morning. Long story, and a lot of incomprehensible dialogue, short she asked something that meant ‘Can I sleep in your room tonight?’ She was wearing the cutest little pyjamas, black with little pink pinstripes and I couldn’t say no, especially not the way she was all messed up in the head. Stupid me, I told her she could if she wanted to and I snapped the elastic in her trouser bottoms. Her pants have little frogs on them, this seems insignificant but it comes into play later. So she cuddled up next to me like a little kitten and fell asleep.

This would not have been so bad, in fact it was quite nice, except that Father’s an insomniac and is way overprotective of Sprightly. Since she’s all crazy and all she apparently warrants check ups to make certain she hasn’t done something, well, crazy. It makes sense in retrospect, the same way everything does, hindsight being 20/20. So Father, after checking her room and finding it empty, thinks she’s gone missing and naturally checks my room first being that Spry and I are pals. Of course he finds her and me getting all snuggly and nearly bursts a d**n blood vessel. And no, since you asked, the truth was not an excuse. Also, when someone who is very angry with you asks ‘What do you have to say for yourself?’ ‘Sprightly has frogs on her knickers’ is about the wrongest reply you can give. The bad news is that for that little crack I got smacked so hard across the side of the head my ears are still ringing. The good news is that was all that happened to me, Sprightly got dragged off by the arm and I really don’t care what happens to her. Things have gone back to something like normal, I think. At least now Father seems certain I’m not gay. I notice, I write in my journal a lot more when I'm home. Probably just because I'm not supposed to be keeping one and I like living dangerously, or maybe just because there's less here to occupy me than at the castle. I don't really know, or care.

[nico]

I should keep Sprightly around me all the time, she proves an extremely effective distraction from my flaws. When we went to the wake, my second in as many days, I was struggling to keep my composure. Spartan is what I was supposed to be, no tears or anything to make me look weak in front of a very large number of important people but I was failing at this. No one really noticed that Spry had slipped off, what with all the people milling around having conversations. Rather, no one noticed Spry slipped off until we heard screaming, one shrill scream and this obese woman who was apparently Sprightly’s second cousin fainted dead into a flower arrangement. It was a pretty easy matter to see what had caused it since an oh-so-familiar waifish figure was standing over the coffin holding her wand and staring quizzically at her father’s face. Everyone rushed over to see what was the matter, it seemed Sprightly had gotten curious about exactly how her father had died and wanted to see everything for herself. I can’t remember exactly the name of the spell she had used, but it basically eliminated all the spells that had been used to make Raffy look normal. He looked pretty awful, there were cuts and bruises like he’d been beaten pretty badly before he was killed and there were words carved made by ripping strips of skin off of his face.

When people saw what she had done they didn’t care that she was mental or that she was the deceased’s daughter. Pretty much everyone there wanted her dead for that little trick. Someone called her something really horrible and made a mad dive after her, but she ducked away and sprinted off like she had been planning it, the man collided with the coffin and knocked it over and Raffy out. I actually think she had planned it because I saw a spell bounce off of her, meaning she managed a shield charm at some point. I was actually too shocked to do much of anything. Mother was sort of trying very hard not to smile and failing. Father was trying to keep a couple of excessively angry people from going after the poor girl. He was actually doing a fair job of riot control until the guy that knocked over the coffin cracked him in the jaw. From there things went rather predictably. And that’s the story of how Sprightly turned a wake into a brawl. I started to go after one of Sprightly’s third or fourth cousins, a lanky boy about fifteen or sixteen with awful skin, but Mum grabbed me by the collar and jerked me back. She actually brought the fight to a screeching halt, which is good since it was getting out of hand. Whereas everyone else who was involved was either in some state of shock or else throwing curses and punches she started petrifying the offenders. I had no idea she could be so level headed, if it weren’t for society she would have made a wonderful mother. Anyway, that ends up over, a few people suffering minor burns, bruises, and a few hilariously nasty curses. Father told me later he cursed the guy that punched him with one he’d created back in his schooldays that made tastebuds pop up on really truly deeply vile a part of a persons body. He, however, refused to show it to me on the grounds that he has to show some responsibility as a parent. Bah.

We couldn’t find Sprightly. She’d totally disappeared. That was enough to make Father curse in what I’m guessing is Chinese, Cassandra got her ability with languages from him. I barely speak English. We looked around for her (that’s Sprightly, not Cassandra) a bit but it became evident pretty quickly that she wasn’t going to be found unless she wanted to be found. I was worried about her, there was the one time when she was little that she ran away and lived with homeless people. There was another time when she hid in her school attics for a week and they thought she had run away again. She’s done a few other minor disappearing acts, sometimes she’ll be gone for hours other times for days. She always shows back up looking perfectly normal and absolutely refuses to talk about where she went or what she did. I know this because she lived with me for a summer once when we were younger. That was a weird summer. Anyway, this wasn’t one of those because she was back at the house, like she was waiting for us. When we walked through the door she gave us this look like ‘What took you so long?’. Things probably would have turned really nasty really quickly because she had that look in her eye that means she wants a fight but Mother grabbed her up in a hug and started gushing about how worried she had been. Sprightly looked surprised for a minute then she started bawling all over Mother’s shoulder. Father cursed again, this time in English and about insidious females, nearly put his fist through a wall, and stormed off. I just left for my room. I hate my life. No, no I don’t. Stuff is going really good for me, I hate Sprightly’s life, which sounds awful but it’s true. I adore the girl but with the crazy just dripping off of her and the tragedy and the moving in with me… well, I can’t stand her life. She’s terribly unlucky.

I miss Maria. I want desperately to meet her sisters. I want to talk to someone who isn’t interrupted by non sequiturs every few seconds and also isn’t related to me. That’s pretty much all I’ve got right now, but at least… Wait, no, goddamnit! I just realized the wake is over, but the funeral service is in like half an hour! I need to find my tie.

[nico]

Aside from the fact that Sprightly kept whispering to me during the service, and that she and Father kept exchanging the weirdest hate-filled glares it wasn’t so bad. I kind of cried but Sprightly and Mother did too and I couldn’t help but notice Father’s lip was quivering. I don’t really get any of it but I don’t really care all that much either. So, ashes to ashes and all of that. It wasn’t overly eventful for me, there was no fight or anything. I think Sprightly has new rings, wears them on middle fingers of either hand. I didn’t bother asking her about them or their odd placement. She’s not exactly in any mood for talking right now, just clings to my mother’s skirts like a little kid. I hope she’s alright when we get back to school. The last thing I want is for her to be the way she is right now, all babbly and confused. If she says something to one of our friends I’ll throttle her. I haven’t talked to her much lately. I really should, she’s all chock full of suffering and I’m her puppy after all. I really wish that she and Maria could just switch places, they’ve suffered the same tragedy but I get the crazy one living in my house. Lucky ducky me. Thank God this is my last night here, I miss the castle and my friends. When I get back I’m not writing in this thing anymore, I have friends there and don’t have to content myself with this pathetic collection of paper for a one-sided conversation.