For him, I will

[~::Chelsea::~]

[maroon]I don't know why I suggested to Kaelon that we make these journals. I guess it was something that one of the shrinks suggested. I supposed that I would try it, and that maybe Kaelon would too. Here's the thing....I'm having a hard time....being strong for him, you know? I mean, he seems so upset all of the time, and I know we can't both break down, or there's no going back.

The other thing is...I never know when I'm really happy anymore. I've become so accustomed to faking a smile, that I don't even realize that they aren't real. Every emotion seems still, and unreal.

It really bothered my the other day in Charms class. The injuring for the lesson seemed so easy...it was so easy. I mean....I don't want to start that again, but for the longest time....that was part of me, and I feel that coming back. It may seem childish. I'm an adult. Adults don't slit their wrists....right? I just don't know anymore. Everything is more black than white these days. But Kaelon....I can't let him know how I'm feeling, because it'll only hurt him. I know it.

I love him. I remeber the first day in that awful institution, and it was really hectic. Especially when I met him. I didn't like him at first. He seemed like one of those guys that think they're cool....but it was so much different than that. I'd like more than anything to be with him the rest of my life. Hogwarts seems to have reversed our roles though, and I'm watching out for him. It's nice....but every now and then, I want someone to hold me....but there isn't anyone. I can't let him know. I just can't. I don't want life to repeat that horrible time again.

I have to go clear my head. I think that I might take a walk by the lake and think. I need some time.

Chelsea. [/maroon]

[~::Chelsea::~]

[maroon]Murderous waves come crashing loudly,
Roaring up the steep cliff wall,
Driving down to meet the coral,
Amidst what sounds like siren calls.
Circling `round to gain momentum,
With monstrous force, to bruise and rip
On the bones of former victims,
This man now within its grip.
The sea foams with hideous laughter,
As if possessed with demonic joy;
Beating, battering, unrelenting,
This soul like a worthless toy.
He calls out for one to save him,
But mocking winds drown out his cry;
On the rocks, his ship is keeling,
On his mind a mystery lies.
Where's the lighthouse he remembers,
That once shone upon this shore,
Guiding him beyond this peril,
To safe harbor and the moor?
Hope is lost as death looms nearer
To make his bed in a watery grave;
Merciless waves seize their captive
As the ocean takes her prey.
But ere he's pulled beneath the water,
Moonlight bathes the rocky bluff,
And what he saw struck him with horror,
As his trusting heart is cuffed.
For there he saw the lighthouse towering
As before, on stormy nights;
But now, in Stygian darkness,
Gazes pitiless on his plight.
While the sea lifts high its victim
To crush his life on rocky shoals,
He screams words at his betrayer
That only God in heaven records.
"Curse and curse the worthless lighthouse,
Strong, but dark, amidst the storm,
And the keeper sleeping in it,
By whose neglect, to hell I'm borne."
Last, the ocean takes the plaintiff
And holds him `til his struggles cease,
Then hands him through eternity's door,
>From where there is no release.
The sailor is another witness,
Passing on through endless night,
That the watchman who was sleeping
Is guilty of soul-damning slight.







almost there almost there almost there almost there almost there almost there almost there almost there almost there almost there almost there almost there…al------[/maroon]